


They Fight Crime!

by gigglingkat



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack and Angst, Don't Judge, Gen, I took they fight crime seriously, Post-Series, There is something wrong with me, they fight crime, xander makes me FEEL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 13:52:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9610277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigglingkat/pseuds/gigglingkat
Summary: 500 years from now, the Slayers use science and magic to clone Xander and send him to Mars.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Done years ago as a second person pov exercise - I found this while cleaning out my google docs. No beta.

500 years after you died, the Slayers use science and magic to bring you back.  You could have told them there would be problems with that.  

 

Even after 500 years, cloning isn’t an exact science and you really,  _ really _ hope they never tell you where they got the DNA.  Granted, they did their best - and they’re slayers, so that’s saying a damn lot - and they even mixed a few genes up to give you a boost.  There are worse things than being superhumanly strong, fast, and dense.

 

The magic wasn’t half bad - though she was no Willow.  But soul’s are a tricky thing. And Mother Earth doesn’t  _ like _ to bring things back from the dead.  Let alone  _ men things _ .

 

They are alarmed about the eye.  Apparently, Caleb burned it  _ out of your soul. _  You aren’t because it feels right not having it and the night-vision bionic one is just  _ friggin’ cool. _

 

They say the nightmares are normal and a part of the “genetic memory and soul imprint” taking hold.  You smile and nod and pretend you believe them.

 

You don’t tell them about the ghost. You don’t tell them that they got it wrong.  _ He’s  _ the real Xander.

 

***

 

The ghost began appearing a year after they told you what you really were and why your memories were so odd.   He’s out of shape compared to you and the eyes are softer - simultaneous full of good humor and a well of pain and sympathy.  You wish with all your might that it’s a lie or some side effect of the cloning.  But it’s true and you both know it.  

 

It’s uncomfortable to be pitied by your own soul.

 

So you try to ignore it.   _ You get that from me, _ says the ghost.  You go on missions and you help the Slayers who created you and watch as they live to love others.  _ Yeah, that’s my bad too.  Sorry, buddy.  At least you don’t love them.  And they seem to have broken that “bad boy” thing.  God.  That was so annoying. _

 

You go to Mars.  Earth has been purged of the greater evils, and there are fewer Slayers on Mars.  Plus,  _ it’s Mars!  Mars!  We could be Martians! _ Mother Earth would appear to be jealous and doesn’t share with her brother well.   _ Willow would know why.  She’d be able to explain it and fix it.  If anyone could talk a planet out of a hissy fit, it would be Willow.  Why did they want to bring  _ **_me_ ** _ back?  Why not  _ **_her_ ** _? _

 

You don’t answer because, truthfully? You agree with the sentiment.  The Slayers just look startled when you approach the subject and hug you.  So that’s not all bad either.

 

***

 

Mars is very much like New York City.  Oh, not in appearance, that’s cool and sci-fi-ishy like.  No it’s the natives.  The fierce pride of ownership and the counter determination not to be awed by it.   _ You _ are  allowed  supposed to be awed.  You’re a tourist.  The natives feign indifference while they drag you to the next wonder.

 

The Slayer you’re assigned to work with would fit right in old NYC as well.  She wears nothing but black.  _ Even the damn atmos suits.  She must dye them. Who the hell dyes an ASTRONAUT SUIT? _

You never understood or liked the “goth” look - but it’s worse that she’s a doctor.  Doctors should look clean and sterile.   _ Not like Wednesday Adams.  Because the love child of Patch Adams and Wednesday Adams means Robin Williams and Christina Ricci having sex.  I could have spent my eternal repose happy and content. But noooooo - I have to come back to life and have THAT image run through my head during briefings about impossible things. _

 

She’s gentle with the needles and she saves your other eye from whatever that slug spit was, so you try not to let it bother you.  Her personality is sarcastic so you enjoy the Mocking-Of-The-Evil (TM) that ensues.  Mostly, you are relieved that she never attended Slayer Training and has nothing other than a vague idea of who Xander Harris is supposed to be.   _ I’m telling you.  I knew it was a mistake to let Andrew and Dawn do the writing.  I told them then there would be trouble.  They wouldn’t listen.  I don’t think Buffy ever really thought anyone would  _ **_read_ ** _ it let alone  _ **_believe_ ** _ it. _

 

***

 

You can hear her laughing as you come in from the patrol.  The Slayer rarely laughs.  _ That part reminds me of Buffy.  We could make her smile - but not laugh so much.  Not when she was alone.  The laughter came after. _  You find her in the library, curled up in a chair with tea, giggling at the screen.

 

It’s a history book sent from the Slayers on Earth and your heart clenches a little.   _ That’s Buffy’s handwriting.  The section two rows down looks like Willow’s loopy-loos. _

 

She looks up and with shining eyes and gasps, “Bug lady!”

 

_ She was hot!  Who expects the hot chick to be a bug?  I almost got decapitated for being a virgin! How messed up can you get? _

 

You groan and don’t even bother to defend it.  _ But she was HOT! _

 

“Where did you get that and  _ why _ are you reading it?” You ask instead.

 

There’s an odd look but it vanishes.   _ Don’t, _ advises the ghost.  _ It was a sad-bad-wrong-otherwise not happy-laughing moment thing.  Let her stay happy-laughing.  It won’t last long.  It never does.  _

 

“I was reporting in to Earth’s Council and basically asking about -” and the look returns here, and as she sees that you see the look, she looks scared.  You take the ghost’s advice, as you so often do and her look almost instantly is replaced by happiness.

 

“- about your sorry ass,” she finishes, as if the awkward pause never happened.  

 

You roll your eyes and are prepared to make a stupid, sarcastic comment when the ghost stops you.  _ Wait.  She’s not done. _

 

“IWasn’tSureAboutTrustingYouAndAskedWhatTheyDidToBringYouBackAndWhy.”

 

You and the ghost mentally fill spaces and breathing in and once it’s translated, the ghost is upset, but you’re curious.  “You were thinking about trusting me?”

 

_ Why wouldn’t she trust me? _ The ghost demands.

 

_ She can’t see you and I don’t know that  _ **_I_ ** _ would trust me.  I’m a … clockwork.  What if I’m wound wrong? _

 

_ You have a point, _ the ghost concedes.  But her eyes are wide.

 

“No.  I...  I trust you now and wonder if I should.”

 

“Once more.  With logic and words of meaning.”

 

She throws a knife at your head.  You manage to dodge it and the ghost is impressed as he always is.   _ Screw you, clone boy. Superpowers are cool! _

 

“I trust you.  I have since we met and that’s just …  **_weird_ ** .  I wanted to know why.”

 

The hair begins to rise on the back of your neck.  The ghost merely looks puzzled. “You think they magicked in something that  _ makes _ people trust me?” 

 

You can’t quite meet her eyes although you’re glad to see she’s smiling again.

 

“I wondered.  But it’s cool.  We’re good.  They didn’t.”

 

“They didn’t.”

 

“Nope.”

 

“But you still trust me?”   _ Really?  You gotta push your luck?  You’re Reanimated Guy.  Do you know what happens to things that Slayers think are Bad Things? _

 

She points to the screen.  “So did she.”

 

She pulls up Willow’s writing.  “And her.”

 

The ghost moves closer to see.  _ Aw, Willow, _ it sighs.  

 

She pulls up another.  “And her.”

 

The ghost looks startled.   _ Faith? Well, she didn’t have use for me... but yeah, I guess... Wow. _

 

The screen displays several hand writings.  You move closer and realize they’re all from a eulogy book.   She realizes it at the same time.

 

“Well that’s - endearing in the creepiest way possible,” you decide.  

 

She waves away the images.  “But it’s you.  It’s you the way you were then.  You’re the same way now.”

 

She suddenly hugs you tight.  _ See? Superpowers are cool.  Those used to crack my ribs. _

 

“You don’t want anything.”

 

You look to the ghost but he shrugs.  “I don’t want anything?  That’s not true.  I want a new atmos - “

 

“No. You don’t.  Not really.  And it’s weird.   _ Everyone _ wants something from a Slayer. The weak want protection.  Men want to fight  _ with  _ us or us  _ for _ them.  Or to protect us.  The Watchers of Old wanted to contain us.  To control us.  Witches want to  _ be _ us.  You?  You just -”

 

There are tears in her eyes and your face is hot.  She squeezes even harder and you begin to appreciate the ghost’s comment about cracked ribs.  She finishes off speaking into your chest.

 

“You just like  _ me _ .  For me.  _ As myself. _  You don’t want to use me or protect me - except as friend who doesn’t want me to die.  You argue with me but in a fight, you follow  _ me _ .”

 

“You’re the Slayer,” both you and the ghost say.  

 

And then there’s kissing.  

 

So yeah, you’re a genetically engineered vampire hunter with a bionic eye.  And yes, she’s a Martian goth Doctor.  You’ll even concede that being haunted by your own soul is really not normal.  But you don’t care.

 

Because superpowers are cool, but being the one a Slayer chooses is pretty much the best thing in existence.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: He's a genetically engineered one-eyed vampire hunter haunted by an iconic dead American confidante She's a sarcastic goth doctor from Mars. They fight crime!


End file.
